the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
