i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
