Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
