I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
