ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
