I just cut my nipple shaving
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
