I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
