we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
