He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
