Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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