Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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