Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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