last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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