I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize