mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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