Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There r osticjed everywhere
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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