I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
