I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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