Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
