I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
