theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
