I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
