Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
