life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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