but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize