I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
babies were throwing up all over the place
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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