I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
