I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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