been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
