Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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