This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
