you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
