Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
