So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
