Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
