Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
