That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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