they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
