hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
