Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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