My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
