We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I looked at my own cervix.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I said "one day" and that day is not today
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
