So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
