apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
