Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
