going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
