I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Pants are for mortals
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
