things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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