found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
