Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
