I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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