If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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