Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
