It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
