It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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