I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
