Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
