Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
