i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
