she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize