Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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