Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
