I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
