i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
