I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
