??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just had sex on a roof
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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