I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
