It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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