does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
they're like a gay fantastic four
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize