dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
