Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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