I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
