i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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