he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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