she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
