Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
