God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
