he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
