Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Randomize
