Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize