I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
