My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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