I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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